As he reconnects with an old classmate (Alison Pill), angers her insecure jock fiance (Rainn Wilson) and generally fails to make friends with the rest of the staff, pig-tailed Patient Zero quickly infects the rest of the kids on the playground.ДЄs over-saturated as the market is - and long has been - by zombie media, the teachers go immediately into zombie-survival mode, maiming children in a manner thatвЂ™s less twisted than it is perfunctory, and with a surfeit of gross-out gags best left on the playground. ItвЂ™s a bad day to be a teacher in Fort Chicken, Ill., especially for Clint (Elijah Wood), an aspiring horror novelist called in to substitute teach at his old grade school.

вЂњCootiesвЂќ is, at least, very well aware of how stupid it is, from its opening shots in a chicken processing plant, where a batch of assembly-line chicken nuggets become contaminated with a virus that transforms the infected kids into fast-moving, flesh-eating zombie-like creatures. The question is, is вЂњCootiesвЂќ so dumb that it doesnвЂ™t realize it shares that same litanies of faults? Or is the movie so unfunny that its attempt at meta self-deprecation falls that flat? When a wannabe novelist asks his mom for some constructive criticism on his a draft, she lets loose a deluge of the novelвЂ™s shortcomings: ItвЂ™s poorly paced and occasionally boring, the characters are unlikable, itвЂ™s kind of insulting.

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